Throughout our 9-year journey, there have been ups and downs, of course.
After some unsuccessful cycles with meds, and unsuccessful IUIs I finally managed to bring myself to ask my husband if he would like to divorce me and find a "working" model instead.
I was totally serious. He laughed at me.
All along he has been very supportive. The one time he was not: when I had injections, he had promised he would do the injection in my abdomen for me, but when it came time he just couldn't do it. He has often said that if there are only the 2 of us in our family that is ok too.
The irony of it all is that the thing that attracted me to him when I met him was the way he talked about his 2.5 year old niece. He wanted to have children right after we got married, but since he immigrated to the USA and the first three years are like a "trial" I didn't want to have children right away because I was afraid he might not like living here and would want to move back to England.
Here we are, nearly 13 years later, childless.
We have a niece and nephew in England. We saw them last year for the first time in NINE years. It's difficult for us to get to England, especially with all the infertility treatment debt and now the expense of adoption.
He wouldn't divorce me. And he's already offered to "get fixed" when the time comes since I've had to go through the injections, ultrasounds, IUIs, etc. He says it's his turn to take one for the team.
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Mine said the same thing (about "taking one for the team after what I've been through to give birth), only now that the time is nearing -- he mysteriously says NOTHING! LOL. I guess I should take birth control pills forever.
My husband always gave me my shots in the back side. Once we had to find a bathroom at a wedding and he had to give me my shot. lol
Once we changed meds I could give my shots in my leg. He liked that better.
I've also joked about all the money we could have saved on birth control if we had only know I couldn't get pregnant.
Well, I guess I'm an example of the breakdown of a marriage because of secondary infertility...The stress of not being able to get pregnant and "complete" a family forced hubby over the deep end and I voluntarily left so that he could "start over". He blamed me for the problem and over the years whittled me down/up(only because I gained 70 lbs) to a walking talking mess. Inside I know he just wanted me to leave but he didn't want to be the initiator...So one evening after a particularly intense tirade... I left... When his brothers' wives became pregnant and had their babies it just became worse and worse. Sometimes I just want to die because this probably wouldn't have happened had I become pregnant again...It's like I was used and discarded.. but I like the way the article says a working model... It's been about a month and I've found out if he hadn't already been test driving and filling up the new model, he sure was looking at the dealership. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out another woman was 4 months pregnant when I left. I do feel a little pride at not being so selfish as to expect him to live the rest of his life angry and that by my leaving... I actually did him a great favor. He can start a new life minus me. I truly feel happy that I was able to act on the decision to leave.
My husband has a ten year old daughter. We are both near 40 yrs old and he changes his ming about getting pregnant every other minute. Last night he said he doesn't want to have a baby just beacuer I want one. I told him it's a need, not just a want. I am thinking of leaving him and going to IVF alone, but I don't know if I can afford it. I hate my life right now. I feel cheated that I have no baby.
Today I was due for my embrio transfer and my husband called the doctors to cancel it. I'm devastated as I never thought he would be capable of such a horrible thing. This rollercoaster ride with him for the last 2.5 years one day he was excited the next if I didn't behave well he would threaten with putting the brakes....a miscarriage later where at first he was supportive but later he tried to blame me.
My biggest desire in life now is to become a mom and I'm considering going through IVF alone. I know there are so many moral & ethical implications but I feel I can be a great mom and I'm tired of putting this in the hands of a man-of course I'll be divorcing this mentally unstable person becaus if he had doubts all along it's very cruel to me to come this far....don't you agree?
Any suggestions on how to make sure if this is the best route for me?
THank you,
Gaby
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