true confessions

Ok dear reader, so you've already learned a few things about me. Here's some more.

I suffer from anxiety, depression (duh) and stress. I have been seeing a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) since my visit to the deep pit of despair last summer. I knew I was in bad shape when my nurse practitioner asked me if I had a gun in my purse. (No - just in case you were wondering, so not a gun person.)

This was my hugest "why me" period. Why am I here? What's my purpose if not to be a mom? What can I contribute if it's not an adult of the future? I'm a failure at being a human being... and so on, maybe you've been there. I was put on an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds (yes, this was gone over with a fine-toothed comb during our home study).

My LCSW recommended I go through this program and I agreed. It's Lucinda Bassett's Overcoming Stress and Anxiety program. I am in week 5 and already not only can I tell a difference, but others can as well. I REALLY want to get over (or recover as "they" say) from my problem and be off my meds by the time we adopt.

I am such a worrier, a what if thinker, a "magical" thinker (as Lucinda calls it). I can overcome this and wanted my readers to know they can too. I love the magical thinker part. It totally goes with my post about being punished. About someone or something punishing me by not allowing me to have a baby. Magical thinking. No one is punishing me. It is the hand I've been dealt. Life is not fair. Lucinda talks about teaching her 5-year-old son to say "life is not fair" rather than "IT is not fair." I wish I would have learned that when I was 5!

Please feel free to ask me about this, either by leaving a comment or emailing me. As you know, I'm game to talk about anything. And I want others to learn from me, from what I've been through. I'm happy to help in any way I can. As I told one friend of mine, it's my goal to get as many women pregnant as I can! She has a child and laughed and said "stay away from me!" I explained I meant women with infertility problems.

There are 15 weeks of CDs in Lucinda's program. You get to listen in on "group" sessions. There is even home work. I've also purchased one of her books, From Panic to Power. I never realized how many panic attacks I have! Good grief! There is an online form for those going through the program, you join in the month you start so everyone is listening to the same CDs at the same time. I have taken comfort from some fellow members (this part is free).

Fortunately my LCSW lends me the CDs because I think it is like $600 to purchase the entire program, but I looked on ebay and you can get it cheaper there ;)

Ok, I know this is kinda scattered, but I wanted to share.

Maybe your stress/anxiety/depression isn't as bad as mine, maybe it's worse. There are all levels on the CDs. Some people won't drive or leave their homes. I'm more in the middle. I don't like crowds. Anyway, feel free to ask me anything. Ten more weeks to go ;)

Happy Monday!