One of these days I'm gonna post the wrong thing on the wrong blog!
So, a cousin of mine has been telling me for years how she NEVER wants to have kids. Even as recently as last July at a funeral she was telling me with such conviction "never never never."
Earlier this week, her partner (male) announced on FACEBOOK that they are having a baby in September.
Later that day (or the next) I received a very sweet and thoughtful email (on Facebook) from her saying she was sorry I found out about her pregnancy on Facebook and that she had intended on sending me a personal email... She realizes it is probably difficult for me to hear about other's pregnancies, etc.... Then she says they went through infertility treatment! wtf. What's with the "never never never ever" poop? I don't understand.
I responded that I appreciated her thoughtful email and wished them all the best.
Do some people hide behind the lie that they don't want children when in fact they can't have children? I for one, don't understand this, but then I've always let it all hang out, no secrets. I never wanted people to think we were selfish child-haters who didn't want children.
I'm still in shock and wondering what's going on. She knew I had infertility issues. We are blood relatives. I'd have liked to known so we could swap war stories and see if it's something genetic. Or at least to know I'm not the only one in the family who hasn't been able to have children easily.
I guess I will always grieve for my 3 lost babies when I hear of another's pregnancy. I hope it goes away, but I don't know when.
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2 comments:
At first I told people that I just didn't want kids. My dh is still of the mindset that he tells people he doesn't want them. He never wanted anyone to know about our IF. I, on the other hand, never wanted anyone to think that I really didn't want kids when it is all I think about.
I used to tell people we weren't sure we wanted kids for a couple of reasons: 1. our fertility issues were none of their business, and 2. it was my coping mechanism. Right or wrong, it did help me survive 12 years of IF. My hubby is a very private person, too. But in Julie's case, her RELATIVE should have felt comfortable telling her the truth, esp. when she knew what Julie and hubby are going through.
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