how to treat an infertile girl

• Ask her if she'd like to talk about her infertility, and be willing to listen. If she prefers to keep it private, that's fine, but it will mean a lot to her that you asked.
• Invite her to your baby shower, but do not expect her to attend. If you don't invite her you are treating her like she is invisible, by inviting her you are letting her know you are thinking of her. Also don't expect her to purchase a baby gift, when you are infertile, it is extremely difficult to be around baby stuff. Please don't be offended.
  
• Try not to complain about your kids too much, a little is ok.
• Never tell your infertile friend how luck she is to not have children, she does not feel luck at all, in fact chances are she feels quite the opposite, unlucky with a capital U!
• Don't joke about how easy it is for you to get pregnant "all he has to do it look at me and I get pregnant!" This type of joke is not appreciated by the infertile girl.
• Please try to put yourself in the infertile girl's shoes. "How would I feel if everyone around me had kids, is having kids, is pregnant?" It may be difficult for you when you have rugrats screaming at the top of their lungs and peeing on the carpet, but please try.
• Tell your friend she has taught you how lucky and blessed you are to be able to have children without ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) or infertility treatment.
• Try to learn a little about infertility and treatments so you can understand what your friend is facing.
• Offer to go to a doctor's appointment with your friend if her husband is not able to attend.
• Tell your friend you can't understand what she is going through, but you'd like to try.
• Keep reminding your infertile friend you are there for her.

added 02/01/09

• Tell your infertile friend when you get pregnant, don't let her hear it through the grapevine.
• 
  

things NOT to say to an infertile girl

• relax
• take a vacation
• consider yourself blessed you don't have children
• get drunk
• stop trying so hard
• want my kids? you can have them
• think about all the traveling you can do without kids
• I can't believe it took me SIX MONTHS to get pregnant!!!
• 
  

and once you move on from infertility treatment to adoption:

• you will get pregnant now that you are trying to adopt
• 
  

evil genius tees

See? I could not post this on my family and friends blog, they would not get it.

If you haven't already, get yourself to Infertility Sucks: Evil Genius Woman Tees!
Just looking at these tees will make you feel better, I promise.

FYI: I bought a brown, long-sleeved "I will be a mother" tee! So there!

care to comment?

Please feel free to vent and say how you really feel, don't hold back. I'm sure I will understand and sympathize with you. No kidding, I've had a very long 9-year child-less journey.

I know, it's totally not fair.

What did I do to deserve this?

When is it gonna be my turn?

Another pregnant friend? Another baby shower?

Why can't I be "normal?"

Why am I being punished?

how I got here

08.2000 started TTC

2001-2005 "unexplained IF," countless failed clomid cycles

02.14.05 miscarriage
09.17.05 miscarriage

11.07.05 finlly diagnosed with PCOS (Rx 2000mg Metformin ER)

05.29.06 IUI + follistim #1 - failed
06.23.06 IUI + follistim #2 - failed
08.14.06 NI + follistim #3 - failed
10.06.06 NI + follistim #4 - failed
end of all treatment

11.22.06 BFP (au natural)
12.20.06 cornual* pregnancy ended @ 9 weeks (miscarriage)

02.06.07 ok to TTC again
11.2007 diagnosed with low ovarian reserve

01.2008 TTC au natural still...

........

08.2008 decision to adopt (domestic newborn

10.24.08 1st home study meeting
11.14.08 2nd home study meeting (the dreaded home visit)
11.21.08 meeting with adoption attorney
12.05.08 3rd home study meeting
12.24.08 received finalized Home Study report!

waiting to be matched...


*cornual pregnancy: maybe you are wondering what that is. It seems I ovulated out of one side and the embryo traveled across the top of my uterus and implanted at the opening of my other tube. We are talking rare. My RE wanted to record it. The nurse had never heard of it. For pete's sake, even gravity is not on my side! We were told we would have to make the decision to terminate the pregnancy or risk the embryo growing down my tube and erupting, which they said could cause death. Yeah. This is the kind of luck I have. Fortunately Mother Nature decided to terminate the birth so we did not have to make that decision.

"i would die for that" too

Kellie Coffey's song about wanting to have a child. Emotional. Powerful. www.kelliecoffey.com

looking for Juno

I am obsessed with film "Juno," in fact I'm watching it right now and have it recorded on DVRs in two different room.

I AM a graphic designer, but not in my mid 30s.

I wish we could find a girl like her or a girl like Juno would find us. But we aren't Mark and Vanessa either. We are just normal people. I work as a graphic designer for the local paper and my husband works in a boat yard. We have 2 dogs and a 3-bedroom, 3-bathroom home. No McMansion here. I'm just so afraid no one will want us. Does everyone who is waiting to adopt feel this way?

"unexplained infertility" my ass

My husband and I left the DC metro area 9 years ago to live in a rural, family-friendly place in Virginia. Did I say 9 years? Shortly after moving we started TTC. After the first year, I asked my OB/GYN, what's up with that. She said give it time. I was 35.

A woman's fertility peaks at 27, then it's downhill from there. This is a fact that I think everyone who wants to have children should know. No one ever told me, and I was 35, way beyond my peak. We kept trying.

After another year or so we went to a "fertility specialist" who told us "for a price he could get anyone pregnant." Oh.... so..... what might that price be? $40,000! Did I mention that when we left DC we also left half my salary to live the rural life?

We saw another "specialist" and the cost was equally out of reach for us. Both "specialists" diagnosed me with "unexplained infertility." What a load of crap.

I started reading and researching, trying to find out what was wrong with me. I finally decided I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I went to a few more doctors and they all said I did not have PCOS. Years passed.

One day, after a visit with my NP, she called and said "have you ever been diagnosed with PCOS?" and I said no, that I'd kept asking specialists but they kept telling me no. She he made an appointment for me with a PCOS specialist and after 5 minutes with him, I was diagnosed with PCOS. About 5 years have passed since we started TTC.

I was put on Metformin to help control the symptoms of PCOS. I also started clomid to help me release some eggs. The worst side effect of PCOS is that one does not release eggs on a regular basis, so your chance of conceiving is greatly diminished.

to be continued....

diary of a blogaholic

I have another blog, two in fact. One for family and friends who are following our adoption journey and one for women with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy who want to make and adoption plan for their unborn baby.

But sometimes I wanna spill my guts, say how I really feel, be frank, so I'm creating a third blog for myself and random passers by and those who understand infertility and it's pains.

I am not able to carry a baby to full term. I've had three miscarriages and to be honest, I don't know how I survived the heartbreak of three.

Now my husband and I are hoping for a domestic newborn adoption. The wait is hell.

I'm going to be 44 this year, and am not looking forward to another birthday childless.

Feel free to comment. Hopefully I can teach you something about infertility. It's a lot like being invisible. And most people just assume you don't like children, which is so terribly hurtful.

More later. Thanks for stopping by.