I am being punished.
I'm not allowed to get and stay pregnant, give birth and be a mom.
We had to get approved to be allowed to adopt, and now we wait. The wait is endless.
What did I do wrong. Am I a bad person. Why am I being punished. Why can't I be a mom.
Where did I take the wrong turn, what could I have done different. What could I have done so that I could be allowed to get and stay pregnant. What could I have done to be allowed to be a mom.
Where where where did I go wrong.
Why am I being punished.
This IS how I feel. I know I'm not being punished. But this is how I feel.
Yes, I've been pregnant three times. I've also miscarried three times. Dangle that carrot.
My total meltdown was last summer. So I am done with that, but now I want to know why. And now, waiting to adopt, and I'm in an angry phase. I've been denied. Why.
What do I have to do to be a mom. What do I have to prove. I've injected my belly for endless days, until I was black and blue.
I just want to be a mom and have a family. Is that asking too much.
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3 comments:
This post made me tear up. :*(
P.S. ~ I tagged you with the Honest Scrap Award. See my blog for details.....
((HUGS))
Yes, I teared up too...but I've been in tears all night. I'm hitting a breaking point, and fast. Pretty much ready to snap over infertility. Why does it have to be like this?? And why does no one understand? I feel bad complaining about it bc ppl just don't get it and think 'oh it could be so much worse, you could have cancer and be dying' but in my mind wanting a baby is the most important thing to me.
Sarah, thanks sweetie! I'm honored.
Alicia, I feel ya sister. Email me if you need to, we will get through it together.
Love and hugs to you both.
j
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