Ok, I need to get this off my chest and I obviously cannot do it on my "A Family is Born" blog because that's my censored blog.
I am having a very difficult time. We are waiting to adopt. We have been waiting to be parents for just shy of NINE years.
Some people keep telling me adoption is not about me, it's all about the child. Adoption is not for me, it's for the child.
Hello?
Adoption would not be possible without adoptive parents, the people who want to have a child, be a parent.
There is a reason they call it the adoption triad: 1. the birth mom, 2. the baby or child and 3. the adoptive parents.
This is just really frustrating me, mostly on Twitter where I occasionally get slammed for wishing my wait was not so long. What is wrong with that? May I ask?
I just want to be a mom! Why are there people out there trying to make me feel guilty about that?
I do not mean to offend anyone, anywhere. I have tried very hard to learn about and understand the other side of adoption: the women who make a plan for their children, and the children who end up in foster care. I think some should try to learn about and understand more about those who choose to adopt.
Ok, thank you for letting me vent.
I hope someone understands.
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6 comments:
Actually, I am GLAD to see you stand up for what YOU are feeling. Some of those slams are just that: slams. As if someone is trying to 'set you straight.' When those ppl come at you that way, their point is lost in a nasty, judgmental attitude. Don't apologize for how you feel. It is what it is.
Oh so that's what people are saying stuff about? Complaining about the wait?? Well, the wait is unbearable. People just don't realize what it's like to wait and wait wanting only one thing in life and just not being able to have it.
I just don't get how anybody could think you are being "all about Julie" and not thinking about how the birth mom feels or about the children. I think you do your best to understand all sides of adoption, but ultimately, you are an expert on the "adopter's" side of things. Certainly, it's an expertise that you and "yaya" never wanted to experience. I realize I am fortunate to have my child, but I haven't forgotten the pain I experienced getting to that point. The 11 or so years I spent feeling empty....
You can only experience the process in the way you can experience it, if you know what I mean. You can't be on the other side of the coin. So, I don't think anyone can fault you for that or dealing with the process they way you do. I would be going much crazier than you are and complaining up a storm!
Ok, so this is stupid. People are just plain stupid. Right now, of course it is all about you. There isn't another tangible person for it to be about, for goodness sake!!
Waiting is the worst. And unless you are there RIGHT NOW, you don't get it. I remember it, obviously, but the pain isn't as raw and I don't quite get it anymore.... it is impossible to becuase I don't have that piece still missing. But when I was there, it was about me. It is a time where you really have no choice but to be centered on yourself, because again, there isn't anyone else to be centered on. Once that baby is in your arms, they are right, it won't be about you quite so much. Once there is actually a birth mom, then you will find ways to make it about her. Until then, it IS and SHOULD BE all about YOU!
BB - thanks for the comment.
All - thank you for your support.
I feel a little less crazy now ;)
Love & Hugs,
Julie
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